Dead to the World (Cold Case Psychic Book 10) Read online

  This was it. Tennyson stared back at his best friend. He let the block fall away from his mind and waited.

  “Sweet fucking Jesus,” Carson whispered. “He’s alive?” Carson bent over double gasping for breath. He braced his hands on his knees. “Everly? The FBI threatened your baby?” Tears streaked down Carson’s cheeks as he slid to his ass on the floor of the reading room. “Shit, no wonder you needed to see someone about how to deal with guilt.”

  Figuring it was just easier to let Carson see the entire scene rather than having to explain it, Ten sent the whole thing to him through their psychic link. He knew it was the coward’s way out, but he was just so fucking tired. He didn’t have the energy to tell the story.

  “Wait! If you made the agreement with Clemente that you couldn’t be prosecuted if I found out about Tony, why the hell are you only letting down the block now?” Carson’s blue eyes were swimming in unshed tears.

  Ten got up from the table to join Carson on the floor. “I needed to carry this secret alone for as long as I could, Carson. We both know that it’s going to be harder for two people to keep it. The only thing that matters to me right now is keeping my baby safe. She was the reason I made this bullshit deal in the first place.”

  “This is why you haven’t been sleeping and you’ve lost all this weight? Keeping this from Ronan is killing you.” It wasn’t a question.

  Ten nodded. “The last time I spoke to Clemente, he told me that they were going to try to bring this case against Dragonni to trial as soon as possible. He thought within six to eight months. It’s already been five months. They’re going to bring Tony out of Witness Protection to testify, Carson. He’s going to walk into that courtroom like something out of Law & Order. Ronan’s going to see his dead best friend walk into that room and he’s going to look at me all joyful and happy…” Ten couldn’t finish the sentence.

  “And he’s going to know you knew Tony was alive all along,” Carson finished for him.

  Ten nodded. Tears were streaming down his face. “You remember when I lost my gift and came to you and Cole first? Ronan was devastated. We were only dating then. He’s my husband now, Carson. Our daughter is six weeks away from being born. He’ll never forgive this.”

  Carson wrapped an arm around Tennyson. “Clemente is going to tell Ronan he forced you to keep this secret.”

  “Ronan will think I should have gone to jail.” Hell, there were days that Tennyson thought he should have gone to jail. He should have gone home with Ronan the night Tony “died” and just told Ronan the whole story. His husband was a trustworthy man. He could have kept the secret and been able to act grief-stricken enough to have fooled everyone.

  “He’s a cop, Ten. Ronan knows how important it is to keep a witness like Tony safe.” Carson sounded so sure of himself. “Especially where Dragonni is involved. He’s got long enough arms to reach out to kill anyone he wants.”

  “Ronan’s a husband first. Loyalty is so important to him.” Ten felt the muffin in his gut threaten to come back up the way it went down.

  “You are being loyal. To your daughter. You can’t honestly tell me Ronan would rather see you go to jail.”

  “I’m thinking he would.” Tennyson was positive he would. “But even now it’s too late.

  “What do you mean it’s too late?” Carson pulled back from him, his eyes darted back and forth between Tennyson’s as if he were trying to ferret out just what Ten was trying to say.

  “It’s been five months. Even if I told Ronan now, I’ve lied to him for five months. He’s going to want to know why I kept it from him for so long.”

  “I can see why you think that.” Carson was quiet for a few seconds. “I also see the way he looks at you when you aren’t looking at him. He knows something is wrong with you. I’m betting he knows there’s something you’re keeping from him, although I doubt he could ever imagine it’s this secret. We both know he’d walk through fire for you, Ten.”

  Yeah, Ronan would walk through fire for him, but for how long would Ronan ice him out once the truth came to light?

  5

  Ronan

  After his fifth cup of coffee, Ronan’s hands were shaking so badly that he couldn’t type a word without doubling letters. Getting up from his desk, he headed for Captain Fitzgibbon’s office. Not bothering to knock, he shut the door behind him and threw himself into the chair across from his boss’s desk.

  “It’s about fucking time,” the captain muttered.

  “It’s about fucking time for what?” Ronan rubbed a hand over his dry, tired eyes.

  “This conversation. You look like shit. Your husband looks like shit. I’ve tried to give you all the time and space you needed, but you were only a day or so away from me grabbing you and pulling you in here myself.”

  Ronan nodded. Aside from Tony Abruzzi, Kevin Fitzgibbon was the best friend he had. His boss had always been objective with him which, in his eyes, made him the best type of friend. Ten was always on his side even when he was completely wrong. Kevin, on the other hand, wasn’t afraid to tell Ronan the unvarnished truth. Usually, Ronan was man enough to listen. “I don’t know what’s wrong with my husband.”

  Kevin opened his mouth, looking like he was about to throw the bullshit flag. His mouth snapped shut at the last second. His look turned thoughtful. “Explain that to me.”

  “Ever since Tony died he’s been different. Withdrawn, I guess is the best way to describe it. I thought he was grieving with me or maybe for me, but five months on it’s only gotten worse.” In the beginning, Ronan had been so wrapped up in his own grieving process that he hadn’t paid too much attention to what was going on with Tennyson. That was on him. He’d dropped the ball.

  “I’ve seen the same thing,” Kevin agreed. “You seem to be,” Kevin shook his head, “getting better is the wrong way to describe it, while Ten’s getting worse. Does that make sense?”

  “Yeah, that makes perfect sense. And I am getting better in that I’m getting through whole days without crying now.” Ronan shrugged. “Ten’s lost weight. He’s not sleeping, and last night…” Ronan trailed off. How the hell was he going to tell his boss about last night? They were close, but they didn’t exactly swap locker room stories about their sex lives.

  “Spill it, Ronan. We’re both adults.” Kevin’s tone was matter-of-fact.

  “Ten and I were being intimate and he was ordering me around like I worked for him. It made me uncomfortable. I just wanted it to be over. That’s never happened. Then, when he wanted to, ah, reciprocate, I couldn’t…” Ronan shook his head. “And didn’t want that anyway. Shit,” he muttered under his breath. It was worse than the way Ronan was explaining it. He’d gotten up before Tennyson this morning and slipped out of the house. He’d felt like shit leaving like that, but he hadn’t wanted to have a discussion about the night before.

  Kevin didn’t look at all phased by what Ronan was telling him. “So, he’s acting in a way that’s completely out of character for him?”

  “You sound like you’re analyzing a person of interest.”

  “I don’t think your husband committed a crime, Ronan, but I do see him acting in a way that isn’t normal for him. There are a few things I can think of off the top of my head that could make Ten act like this.”

  “What are you thinking?” This was why Ronan had come to his boss.

  “Fear is a big one. You’ve got that baby coming in under two months now. If you’ll excuse me saying so, shit got real when Tony died. Maybe it threw Ten into a tizzy wondering what the hell he’d do as a single father, especially where you’d both been in that explosion that was a part of the Dragonni investigation only a week before Tony had been shot.”

  Ronan turned that over in his mind. “We’d talked about that. I’d been wondering the same thing myself when we were trapped together and didn’t know if Tennyson had made it out of that building safely.” Ronan took a deep breath. He couldn’t imagine this was the thing keeping his husband up at n
ight. “We’re so close, Cap. If this is the problem, why can’t he come to me with it?”

  “I assume prior to last night you’ve tried asking him what’s wrong?”

  “Several times. He just says he’s fine or he’s tired or it was a long day at work. Those reasons worked on me at first, but now I can see they are just excuses, so he doesn’t have to tell me what’s really going on.” Maybe Ronan should have pushed him harder. Asked tougher questions or started a fight. Anything to get Ten to open up.

  “It sounds to me like he’s really struggling with something.”

  Ronan nodded. “I think so too. I know he didn’t cheat on me. What else could it be?”

  “Guilt could be another big factor at play.” Kevin tapped his finger against his desk.

  “Guilt? What could he possibly have to feel guilty over?” Ronan’s head was spinning.

  “He’s your husband, Ronan.” Fitzgibbon’s face darkened. “Have you thought about going a different route?”

  “What, you mean asking Carson?” Ronan couldn’t imagine Ten liking him going behind his back like that. He couldn’t imagine Carson being much help either.

  “If Ten won’t talk to you, what else are you left with? His health is deteriorating.”

  Kevin had him there. Tennyson definitely was not the same vibrant man he’d been back in August before Vito Dragonni had been let out of prison. He’d give anything to get that version of Tennyson back. He just wasn’t sure that going behind Tennyson’s back was the way to accomplish that goal.

  Maybe he should just try one more time to talk to his husband. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

  “You’ve made a decision. I can see it in your eyes. What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to grab take-out from Lobster Charlie’s and let Ten pick whatever he wants to watch on Netflix and rub his back and try one more time to get him to open up to me. If that doesn’t work, I’ll talk to Carson.”

  Getting up from his seat, Ronan said a silent prayer this last-ditch effort worked. If it didn’t, he wasn’t going to have any other choice but to go behind Ten’s back and talk to Carson.

  6

  Tennyson

  The dinner from Lobster Charlie’s had been a complete surprise. So had the dozen red roses. After the way Ronan had snuck out of the house without waking him up to say goodbye this morning, Ten was surprised he’d come home at all.

  After dinner, which Ronan also cleaned up the remnants of, he’d invited Ten upstairs to join him in the shower. He’d outlined a plan of Netflix and a back rub, if Tennyson was interested. Ten had passed on the shower, but he was interested in the rest.

  While Ronan was getting cleaned up, Tennyson was downstairs making tea and microwave popcorn. Dixie had just finished doing her business and the tea kettle had started to whistle when the doorbell rang. Shutting off the stove, Ten headed for the door. Neither of them was expecting company.

  Looking through the peephole Tennyson wished he’d agreed to take a shower with Ronan instead of being the perennial grump he’d turned into since the asshole at the door forced him to lie to his husband. FBI Agent Cruz Clemente was standing on his doorstep. “What the fuck do you want?” Ten asked when he jerked the door open. Dixie was barking her head off.

  “It’s three degrees out here. Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Cruz’s full lips quirked into a quick smile.

  “Are you here with a search warrant?” Ten sure as hell wasn’t letting him in if he had a choice in the matter.

  Cruz’s eyes widened before he schooled his features. “No, Tennyson. I’m not here with a search warrant, but there are things I need to speak with you and your husband about. Since he’s in the shower, now’s a good time to talk about the things that don’t concern him.”

  “How do you know where my husband is?” Tennyson bent down to pick up Dixie, who was dangerously close to taking a bite out of Clemente’s knees. Knowing the dick-faced agent, he’d arrest the dog on the spot and have her executed at sunrise.

  “Never ask a question you don’t really want an answer to, Tennyson. Now, are you going to invite me in or not?”

  Tennyson stepped out of the way, stopping short of actually inviting the vile man into his house. If he lived to be a hundred, he would never forgive Cruz Clemente for what had happened the day Tony Abruzzi “died.” Shutting and locking the door, Ten followed the agent into his living room.

  “What do you want, Clemente?” Tennyson was definitely not in the mood for this conversation.

  “I would think you’d be happy to see me, Tennyson.” The FBI agent smirked as he took a seat on the couch.

  “Are you fucking kidding me? Do I look happy to you?” The only thing that could possibly make Tennyson happy was if Clemente were here to tell Ronan about Tony being alive.

  Clemente opened his mouth, looking like he had a comeback at the ready. His mouth hung open for a few seconds before closing. His sharp eyes gave Tennyson an assessing once over. “What the hell happened to you? You look like shit.”

  “What the hell happened to me?” Ten shouted. He remembered Ronan was upstairs and that he needed to stay calm otherwise his husband would come running down the stairs dripping wet and armed. “You happened to me! My life was perfect until you decided that I needed to be part of your little conspiracy. I can’t sleep, eat, or fuck my husband without feeling guilty over deceiving him. I never asked for any of this. You forced it on me. This is what the guilt over you making me lie to Ronan for the last five months has done to me. I don’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore.”

  Cruz’s dark eyes seemed to be studying Tennyson. “You should be happy that I’m here then.”

  “Why?” Ten slumped into the high-backed chair across from the agent.

  “You’ll be happy to know Dragonni’s trial starts next week.” Cruz smiled proudly as if this were all his doing.

  “Next week?” Ten felt his mouth drop open. “How can that be? I haven’t heard anything on the news about it. Nothing about jury selection or opening arguments.”

  “There’s a gag order on all of the proceedings. The federal prosecutor asked for the order so that as little information as possible could get out to the public about this trial. We’re keeping the witness list under lock and key and doing everything possible to keep Dragonni from getting word out to his people on the streets about what’s going on inside the courtroom.”

  “Does Dragonni know about Tony being alive?”

  “No, he doesn’t know, but his attorney does. The testimony you witnessed is part of the discovery in this trial. We can’t just let Tony walk into the courtroom like it’s some television drama. After what happened to Tim Marshal and Lucas Washington, the judge in this case put a gag order on the defense attorney, prohibiting her from telling Dragonni about Tony.”

  Tim Marshal was the prosecutor on the original triple murder case against Vito Dragonni, while Lucas Washington was the judge who’d heard the case. “That seems like an awfully strong measure to take.”

  “Putting Abruzzi into WITSEC to keep him safe only to let him get killed on the courthouse steps by one of Dragonni’s men would be a tremendous waste of resources, Tennyson.”

  Cruz was still the dick-faced asshole Tennyson remembered him as being. “Why are you sitting on my sofa, Clemente?” Ten didn’t have the patience for this. He was worn to the bone and sick to his stomach over this man being in his space.

  “You and I need to discuss a thing or two and then I need to talk to Ronan about testifying.”

  “Testifying? Why would Ronan need to testify?” Wasn’t Tony’s testimony about what he’d done for the Dragonni crime family enough to see The Dragon sent away to federal prison for life?

  “Let’s talk about that when he gets down here. Our time is limited. I just heard the water shut off upstairs.” Clemente sat forward, balancing his elbows on his knees.

  Tennyson hated how Clemente knew how things sounded in his house. Almos
t as if he had a sixth sense of his own, or more likely a bug planted in their home. “What could you possibly have to talk to me about. I’ve kept your goddamned secret. It’s written all over my face.” Ten made a circular motion around his face with his index finger.

  “I had always planned to keep my promise to you. I don’t know why the hell you’re so upset about this whole thing.” Clemente’s look turned sour.

  Ten raised an eyebrow at the FBI agent. He could feel all of the emotions he’d tried so hard over the last five months to keep trapped inside from boiling over like a pot on the stove. “You’ve obviously never been in any kind of a meaningful relationship, Clemente. Aside from making me choose between my baby and my husband, lying to Ronan is the worst thing you could have ever asked me to do.”

  “Bullshit. You had to have lied to him before. No one tells the truth all the time.” Clemente was shaking his head as if he was dismissing the idea that Tennyson had never lied to Ronan.

  “White lies are a different story. Telling you that tie matches your suit when I wouldn’t use it to wipe my dog’s ass won’t ruin a marriage. Knowing my husband is suffering one of the worst losses of his entire life and standing by and letting him suffer? That could end everything.” Ten’s last words came out on a whisper. “Everything you see here, could be gone next week. My marriage, my family, my life as I know it, could all be gone. My baby…”

  “This great loss you just talked about, that ends when Tony walks into that courtroom. How does any of this go away?” Clemente’s arms rose into the air with his hands indicating everything around him.

  “You can’t possibly be this dense.” Ten shook his head. “Yes, Ronan gets Tony back, but now he’s left with the knowledge that I knew he was alive all along. That I lied to him. Which will lead him down the rabbit hole of what else have I lied to him about. How can he ever trust anything I’ve ever said to him in the past or will say to him in the future? How can a man like me possibly be fit to raise a child?” The tears Tennyson had been trying to stuff back down began to flow in earnest. “Ronan will question our entire relationship and whether he wants to be married and raise a child with a vile betrayer like me.”